Save me from the dark
by jenna.moon95
Summary: Feliciano Vargas never thought that he would be reaped to take part in the 68th hunger games; his name was in there once; he lived with a previous victor; he was sure of his safety. When his name is read out, he panics. He can't fight. And why is Ludwig Beilschmidt, the strongest looking career, awkwardly trying to befriend him? GerIta, Spamano and Hunger games AU
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Originality is the best player at hide and seek. Ever. Henceforth, I'm trying my hand out at writing a hungergames AU... Because why the fuck not?

* * *

The wind is whipping madly outside, and the leafs are sticking to the window from the force.

They took 80% of the grain today. It makes me sad, because of I always see starving people and I don't starve because of Antonio and the victor's village.

Antonio won the games on his last year of being eligable. I was only ten, and I remember during the time Antonio was fighting, Lovino didn't move at all from the TV. He cried, too, whenever something happaned.

He also cried at Antonio's only kill, and I can't understand why because of the girl had shot his hand, and he won.

He never talks about it... both of them. I think they do at night but it's because of they love each other.

I don't love anyone. I think a lot of people are jealous of the fact that they have to work and starve, yet I, Lovino and Antonio wear warm clothes and don't have to worry about starving because there's always too

much in.

I think I remember starving once. And being made to clean shovels and hoes and rakes until they gleamed in that once sweltering sun. Yes, I used to always be hungry, and so was Lovino and Antonio.

It was Antonio who took us in after our Grandpa died. He worked six days a week, fed all of us, and then did it all again. I think that he must be so thankful, winning the games. He doesn't work, my brother doesn't

work, and don't.

I wouldn't even be good at working. I'd be rubbish because of Lovi says I have no pyshical strength and I'm dumb.

I'm not too dumb, though. I love art and writing and I think I do well, only I tend to just write down my thoughts... But that's the meaning of writing, isn't it? To voice your opinions and thoughts and not be judged. I

think I'd be judged by a lot of people it if they knew my thoughts.

The peacekeepers wouldn't like my even more. But thats okay because I don't like them; they're scary and mean and once I heard they killed a little boy who was playing with some of their clothing. That's really

mean. I don't think we should have peacekeepers, or guns.

Some people say that the peacekeepers take more than what they're meant to. That seems like a horrible thing to do. They know that the people who work all the time never get much food.

Lovino is looking at me funny, almost sad. I wonder if it's anything to do with the fact it's almost my birthday, and I'll be fifteen? Maybe he feels old... No, he's only ninteen.

"Five years," He whispers, pulling a painful face. Oh, I know what that means. Now I remember.

In three days it's reaping day. Antonio will leave until the end. I'll have to go and see if I get pulled out. I won't, though; there's so many people in my district, and I think that some people have their names in more

than once because they can get food if they do.

Fratello worries too much; I'm not getting picked.

"Hey, Lovi, can I have some new paints? because of I accidently put a brush with black on it with the pink, so nows it's icky and I can't finish my painting and I'm sad about because the painting was meant to be

for-" Lovino glares at me and cuts me off.

"Ask Antonio, idiot." He snaps before glancing at the door, "Where is that damn bastard, anyway?" He says, almost to himself. I still answer him.

"He might be buying acohol because of we're running out and Antonio likes to drink." I offer. Lovino scowls.

"I know he likes to drink... Fuck, I know. You go off in your little world of fucking... unicorns and I'm left looking after a-" He shuts his mouth, closing his eyes, "Yes, he might be buying stuff, id.. Feli..." He

whispers, sighing softly. I get up, and look in the cupboard, "Hmm... Do you want some chocolate, Lovi?" I ask, taking some out.

It's a dumb question, really. I know he'll say yes. We both have a sweet tooth, apparently. That's fun because of I'll always eat chocolate and cakes and everything and my tooth won't rot.

"Yes," Lovi responds, holding his hand out, "It's your birthday tomorrow." He states. I give him his chocolate and nod.

"Fifteen... that the age Antonio-"

"Was reaped as tribute." I finish his sentance, smiling at him. It upsets him. I don't why he has to bring it up. Not yet. Not when there's more important things to discuss that won't make us cry. Things like what kind

of cake do I want, and if a canvas will be too expensive even though Antonio will buy it anyway.

Lovino is breathing heavily. He forces a smile, "Yes. And it won't happen to you." He says, quickly opening his chocolate.

I smile happily, and I quickly open my bar, munching on it. Lovino knows I'm safe. Finally. As soon as I'm nineteen I'll be safe forever because of I'll be too old. Then we can all just live happily and not worry about

the reaping.

The doors bursts open and I'm practically choking on my chocolate bar. Lovino sighs, and passes me a glass of water he had poured for himself earlier. I drink it eagerly, and close my eyes as the chocolate pieces

goes down my throat nicely.

"Bastard you made him choke," Lovino calls out, and Antonio marches into the room, clutching a paper bag to his chest.

"Oh? Sorry, Feli." He says, rubbing the nape of his neck with his spare hand and smiling at me. I smile back.

"It's okay because you didn't know that we was eating chocolate and that it would scare me... Well a lot of things scare me and thats okay because of most people don't scare me too much I can die." I reply, and

Antonio just nods, putting the bag on the counter. He and Lovi share a look, and I know what it means.

Lovino turns to me, and sighs, "Antonio forgot the bread, Feli." He says, and suddenly he looks almost normal. I tilt my head, waiting for money to be put in my hand, and to be pushed out the door.

"Sorry, I just wanted to get home and spend time with mi-"

"Shut up. Feli, go get some bread." He said, dishing some money out of Antonio's pocket. I don't want to go outside; they can tell me to go out the room if they want to be alone.

"But we have two loafs in the-" Lovino looks at me almost desperately.

"You can buy one of those icing bread things if you just go to the fucking baker." He says, and suddenly I end up outside, the prospect of eating an iced bun filling my mind.

I hate going out. Peacekeepers are everywhere, and so is the smell of something toxic. I've heard people say it's bodies. But, people say all sorts of scary things. Things like old farmers haunting their past

workplaces, ruining the produce out of spite. A girl haunts the flower beds, where she keeled over from exhustion and hunger.

I think I believe in them. I've never been in a farm, or the other flower beds near the harvest fields. I've never had a reason to go.

The wind is bad. It's warm, though, so I wonder why Antonio wore a coat. People always say that Antonio is cold. I don't think he is because he gets a fever quite often.

I'm scared that one day I'll have to do what Lovino does. Look after somebody. I'm not good at looking after myself. I think I'd prefer it if I stay with Lovino and Antonio all my life. They can't have children,

anyway.

People are staring at me. I keep my head down. The peacekeepers are looking at me, too. They don't like us, the people in the victors village, I mean. There hasn't been many for us; Antonio was the third. I hope

that one day we'll have the most victors, but people here don't have much time to do anything,. I do, but I can't be bothered.

Why should I be bothered about something that I won't ever have do to?

I walk past these people, so thin their bones stick out. I feel sorry for them. I would be like that, if it wasn't for Antonio winning the games. I think, if it wasn't with so much death, people should at least think about

volunteering. If you win, you don't starve. I won't volunteer because I'm safe... but, from the way some of people are looking, it's worth it.

The bakers is at the other end of the town. My warm boots clip against the stone town square, the noise echoing. I ignore even more stares. I look too clean, too calm... Too happy for everything.

I'm fifteen tomorrow. My name is in there once. I'll be fine.

My stomach rumbles at me, and walk a bit quicker. I wonder if I'll be allowed to keep the change. I saw an old woman holding a baby earlier, so maybe they can have it. We don't even need to bread. I'll keep the

iced bun, though.

There's a cluster of girls, all sharing a cookie. They all look at me, and seem friendly enough. I wave to them, smiling softly. A couple wave back. I hope they won't get reaped in a few days. It'll be sad to see them

on the stage.

My stomach rumbles worse as I pass the sweet shop. I love it there, and the chocolate is amazing. They do white chocolate, too, and it's delicious. It was one of the very few things Antonio spoke fondly of during

his time being in the capitol. He said the food was amazing, and extremely wasted.

Maybe thats why he looks angry when I or Lovino don't finish our meals. When we say that we're full. When we throw food out.

Oh well, Antonio really gets angry or looks angry.

He even told me once that they throw up just to carry on eating... That does seem selfish, especially since people would kill for just a tiny bit of food here.

The bakers shop pulls me in, and I smell the pastry and warm bread.

People who own shops in my district seem poor. Not as poor as the others, but I've a sneeking suspicion that they eat what doesn't get bought. That would be icky because of now, at 11 am, there's only slightly

burned pieces of bread left at best. I wonder if the butcher has the fat cuts only to eat?

Still, as I was saying, I suppose it's better than nothing.

I walk cheerfully up to the counter, and fish the money out of my pockets. The woman stares at me strangely... Oh, what's the phrase...? If looks could kill. Yes, that's it. If looks could kill, I think I'd be dead. My

smile falters, and I cough nervously.

"It's very cold outside, isn't it?" I say, hoping to make some comfortable talk at the very most. The woman wants to take a different approach... She scowling.

"What do you want?" She asked, almost threateningly. My mouth is closing up and down, and I feel stupid and scared.

"One loaf... one loaf of bread.., and an iced bun, please...?" I ask, putting some money on the counter. She sneers at it, and moves off to get what I've asked for.

People act wierdly. I don't think they always have... But they do now. I think they must feel jealousy towards Antonio, but that doesn't even make sense because of he won it fair and square, and sometimes has

nightmares.

I don't like when Antonio has nightmares because it's almost like Lovino does, too. Once, Lovino came downstairs with a black eye. Apparently Antonio thought he was somebody else, and punched him. That was

the only time I've ever felt actually scared of Antonio because of who's to say that he won't turn around and kill us?

Of course, I know deep down that Antonio won't hurt me. Or Lovino really. He just gets confused with the nightmares and that makes him angry and he thinks that we're going to hurt so he retalliates.

Antonio is a good man; people should get to know him better.

The woman is back, her face still trying to kill me. I force a smile, and watch as she takes the money.

"It's your birthday tomorrow." The woman doesn't even look at me. I raise my eyebrow.

"Yes, how do you know?" I asked curiously. The woman glances at me for a second.

"Your fa- no, Brother's boyfriend came in earlier," She answers my question.

I don't understand why she doesn't just say Antonio. Other people say Antonio. Everybody knows who Antonio is; he goes up onto the stage every year, at the reaping, and gets mention all through out the hunger

games. I never have to go to school during the time Antonio's gone. Like in a few days I'll have to take care of Lovi because he always goes silent and watches the screen all the time, even though Antonio isn't in

the actual games.

"Oh, Antonio came by? I thought he forgot bread. That's why I'm here, actually, and I wanted a yummy iced bun. I love these things, you know. I always wonder how you-"

"He's buying you a cake. Twenty, he paid. As if it's something to push down the gutter on a spoiled bra- birthday. There's people starving out there, and you just prance around in your pretty clothes and act as if

nothing is a matter." She laughs, and for the first time her eyes change emotion. She looks almost sad.

I hastily take my items, and rush out of the shop. I probably haven't given them enough time. Oh well, I'm not staying around here any longer. 

* * *

Lovino is crying when I come back. He tries to hide his face but it doesn't work. Antonio is hugging him, and I hug him, too.

"I got the bread," I say, putting the bag down on the counter. Lovino stares at me, and nods.

"Thank you, Feli." He replies, and I feel him put an arm around me, if only for a second. Antonio smiles at me, and I feel happy.

"So, Feli, your fifteen tomorrow, eh?" He says, smiling.

"I can't wait because of I'll get sweeties and cakes and maybe even a canvas..?" I say hopefully. Lovino glares at me for a moment.

"Don't ask for too much." He scolds me, and I put my head down. Antonio laughs, and hushes Lovi.

"Nonsense, of course you can have a canvas..." He trails off as he looks out of the window. I and Lovi look, too.

There's a squirrel. A little black squirrel. I look at Antonio oddly- and then stop. He's crying.

"Three days..." He whispers. I close my eyes. I want to go back to a few moments ago. Happy moments. Good moments. Please god. Happy moments.

"Go upstairs, Feli." Lovino points out of the room, and I have no choice but to follow.

I don't go upstairs, though. Instead I press my body to the corner, and listen. It isn't fair, leaving me out of these talks.

"Damn it, Lovino." I hear Antonio say. He sounds angry and sad. Why can't I help make him happier?

"Shhh... Be quiet, bastard! You'll disturb..." He sighs, and I think I can hear a chair being pulled out. Antonio probably is sitting on it, and Lovino is cursing.

"I killed, Lovino. I killed people-"

"Person, idiot. You killed a person. Who was trying to kill you."

"But, it was me who lead those people into that clearing. I wanted to keep them safe. Then, oh god, those things came from nowhere, ripping them-" I hear shuddering breaths.

"Not your fault. It wasn't your fault... You survived, Antonio. Please understand, you survived. Where would I be without you, you damn bastard?" I think I hear them kissing.

Ew.

I quickly go upstairs, trying not not make any noises.

I hate this. I hate it when they have convosations and I can't join in. I remember, too. They pulled me out of school. I had to look after Lovi as he screamed. I glanced at the screen. Antonio was unconcious.

But he still won, didn't he? He's a hero, with lots of money. He buys thing for us all. He is kind.

We're looking after him the best we can. He looks after us, too.

I wish that they'd understand that I can handle grown-up talks. I'm not a baby. I'm nearly fifteen. I'm very nearly adult. Why won't they understand that I can do my best in any situation? 

* * *

Is any of the lore wrong? Please feel free to tell me, okay?


	2. Chapter 2

I'm very happy with the outcome of this. At the time of writing, I'd like to thank the following:

underscored amlaut- District eleven is where Feli is based. It won't be mentioned around Feli speaking to others in the district too much. However, it will be mentioned often as the story progresses. Also, about the layout format... heh... I have no idea if it's fixed. I tried to fix it, but it's a bitch.

lele- I intend to write a series of stories based with this from various points of views. Four have been planned out.

kara-hime24- I'm glad you like Feli. I'm trying to stick to how we know him, but give him more personality. Hopefully it's working.

* * *

Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday dear Feliciano. Happy birthday to me. It's morning, and can feel the sun shining on my body. I'm now fifteen.

Yay!

Usually, I spend hours and hours in bed. But today I'm up, ready for anything. Afterall, you're only fifteen for a year, and I want to celebrate every moment of it. I jump out of bed, and smiled as I hear the others emerging from their sleep. I can't wait to see my cake, and my presents. I'm sure they'll be perfect.

I pull on a white jumper, it stretching to my knees. It molds to my body, and I feel so warm. I look over at my messy bed for only a second; I'll cmake it later. First things first; the best breakfast ever.

Lovino is waiting for me downstairs, and I smile at him. He almost smiles back, and he looks down at a card on the table. I grin, and scramble to pick it up. I hope it's a really pretty card!

The chair squeaks as I pull it out. Lovino winces, and sighs.

"I thought you was upstairs, Lovi." I say, sitting down. Lovino pulls a tired smile.

"I've been up for fuck-knows how long," He replies, "Antonio should be getting up. I think he's going straight out, though." He looks out the window.

"Is going out to get me my cake?" I say, before viting my tongue. I wasn't supposed to know. Lovino is glaring.

"How the fuck do you know, bastard?" He asks, eyes narrowing. I frown.

"The lady who works in the bakers told me, Lovino." Slowly, I move my gaze to the floor. The tiles are gleaming in the sun. It hurts my eyes.

"Oh? Now did she?"

"Si, she did... And she took my change..." I close my eyes.

"Well she's a wrinkled, saggy old bi-" Lovino stops as Antonio walks in.

He looks dishavaled and tired. I can tell he hasn't shaved, and he carries a heavy smell of alcohol. I don't like this, and I want somebody to win the games so that Antonio doesn't have to keep going. Afterall, he has people to support. Myself included.

"Feliz cumpleaños a tí! ¡Feliz cumpleaños a tí! ¡Feliz cumpleaños a Feliciano! ¡Feliz cumpleaños a tí!" Antonio sings, none the less, and he chuckles. I laugh with him, happy that he's okay.

Antonio will always be okay, because of he's strong and happy. He's the greatest man I know.

"Umm... Gracias, Antonio?" I say, trying my hand at Spanish. My natural language, Italian, is similar to Spanish. But all people speak English here, so it's easier for us to do all the time.

People from Europe all came to Panem after the Great Flood. I wasn't there, but my grandpa was. He said that even buildings that went up into clouds got covered in water. Many tried to escape to Europe, and the parts of England that were still there. But they closed their boarders. Panem was the only place to go, and grandpa took the chance.

Then, the war broke out... And thus, all the districts were made. It's funny, how history works. One minute, everything is okay; the next... This is reality.

Antonio is collecting something out of cupboard now. I stretch my neck upwards to see, but I can't. Antonio is blocking the way. Whatever he's getting, he has it. It goes in the pocket of the thick brown coat covering him, and it's like he never went in the cupboard. He leans on the counter, and smiles at me expectantly.

I stare back, confused. Does he want me to do something?"

"Open the damn card, idiot!" Lovino yells, and I smile sheepishly.

Slowly, I open the envalope, which has a beautifully written name on it. It makes me feel posh and pretty. The card, though... I gasp as I pull it out, the blue sparkling in the sun.

It;s full of flowers, all glittering magically. Blue and pink and green and orange fill the card, and I don't think I've ever seen anything more luxurious, more beautiful.

"Oh, Lovino... Antonio... Grazie!" I exclaim, hugging Lovino first, and then Antonio.

He's laughing, too, and Lovi is smiling.

"You have to read the message, idiot." My brother says, and I nod.

The words have been written very nicely. I briefly wonder if either Lovino wrote insdie it. Also, where did they get the card from? I've never seen anything like this around town. Granted, I never spend long down there, because of the place terrifies me.

The people stare at me strangely, and I hate it. I feel as if I've done something wrong, even though I know I have not done anything. I'm just lucky. I can't help it if Antonio loves my brother and they live together.

People at school ignore me, and thats fine. I don't really like them either. I try to make friends with them, but they treat me as if I'm something bad on their shoe, which is gross.

Lovino is staring at me again, "Well," He says, "What does it say, Feli?" He asks even though I'm certain he knows. I think that Lovino probably wrote the message.

'Dear Feli,

Happy birthday. We love you very much, and hope this day is special. We have some things for you which we are certain you will love.

Love from,

Lovino and Antonio.'

I read it out the best I could, and when I look up Lovino is nodding happily. So is Antonio, and I grin.

"This is the most lovliest card in my the world!" He exclaim. "Thank you so much!" I hug them again, and they laugh.

Antonio looks out the window. "I need to be off," He says, "I;ve got a few things to collect." He sighs, and kisses my forehead. I smile, and then turn away as he makes his way to Lovino.

I hear my brother groan, "Not in front of the child, moron!" He chides, but I can hear his smile.  
I look back as Antonio winks at him, and walks out of the door.

"Antonio really loves you, doesn't he?" I say, and Lovino nods.

"He does love me, Feli. The damn moron." He laughs softly, and cracks his ring finger. I wince.

"That sounds icky, Lovi. Don't do it." My fingers curl up, thinking that it's gross, too. Lovino sighs.

"Do like anybody, Feli?" He asks, and I look at him, confused.

"Umm... I don't think I have any friends, but thats okay because of I have you and-"

"Damn it, idiot. I mean do have a crush on someone?" Oh, that makes sense now. I shake my head.

"The girls are whiney and get to wear dresses and I don't. The boys smell funny and don't let me wear dresses... neither do you, though, but I don't understand why. I mean, I thought I could wear whatever I want? Also, this jumper is like a dress, and I'm certain it's for girls." I say, and Lovi is pinching the bridge of his nose like he has a headahce or something.

It's probably to do with the sunlight.

"Do you want to wear a dress, Feli?" He asks slowly, and I nod because they look pretty and I bet I'd look pretty in one.

"Yes, please."

"Then ask Antonio what sexual indentity crisis is, because he'll be able to keep his temper and explain it." He sighs again, and places his head on the table.

"Oh, I know I'm a boy. I just like dresses. Why do I have to be a girl to wear a dress?" I reply, and I feel tears pricking in my eyes.

It isn't fair; why can't I wear what I want to wear?

Lovino peers up at me, "It's not normal, Feli." He says firmly, and I can sense the anger at the back of his throat.

I decide to give it one last push.

"It's not normal to be lazy and not work."

"Shut the fuck up!" He yells at me, and I'm taken aback. Lovino is looking at me as if I've kicked him.

"You stupid piece of shit! It's not normal to make twenty-four children fight for the death, Feli! We deserve this! The amount of shit we went through!" He's crying now. I should stop being a horrible teenager.

I hug him close as he sobs into my shoulder. I feel mean, but I didn't mean to. I think Lovi is overreacting.

"Damn bastard... Damn it!" He yells, and he pushes me away from him.

"Sorry, but even though Antonio won, and we get food and warm clothes, people die. I know they don't volunteer because of they don't want to die..." I'm trying to explain myself, but I can't. It's hard, because of Lovi isn't in my head and can't really explain it in words that I know.

"They die because... fuck, I shouldn't say this to you..." He takes in a deep breath, and I know whats going to happen. He's going to change the subject.

It's a good job I'm dumb enough to follow on.

"Feli," He says, forcing a smile. I hate this. "Everybody is fine. Don't worry. It's all okay." He says these things to me.

Antonio said those things to him when we went to visit him before he left as tribute. I wish Lovino wouldn't do these things to me; I want to know the truth.

"I know, Lovi. Everything is okay... like when Toni goes in a few days, it's going to be okay, because of he'll be on the tv and helping who ever gets reaped... Lovi, please, it'll be okay, because Antonio won't fight anymore." I'm trying to sound convincing, but Lovino has never been easy to convince.

Antonio once called him a stubborn bitch... I think that might be true, even though we both love him very much.

"Feli, everything is okay... Now, cut some bread into slices, and pick a filling. Anything in the cupboard." He says, wiping his face with the back of his sleeve.

People think that I and Lovino are twins. I don't think they actually know us well, though, because of Lovino is very different personality-wise. He's smarter, too.

But in a lot of ways I'm very smart.

I move off my chair, the vinyl wood polish changing colour as it went from the sun and into the shadow. I love how the light refects, because of it looks like it's twinkling and thats always fun to paint.

I take the card with me, and place it on the counter, just beside the ice white glass. I giggle as the colours intersect in the light. It really is the most beautiful card in the world, and I hope that I'll be able to keep it so safe that none of the sparkles fall off.

I can practically feel Lovino's heavy breathing. I don't know what to do. I'm used to looking after Lovino when Antonio is in the Capitol, and then he's quiet and just watches the screen. The most I have to do is make sure that he eats and gets changed. Then, Antonio comes back, and it's okay again, even if they sometimes still cry.

I find some meat, all packed in bags. Antonio must have bought some yesterday. I take it out along with the bread in the next cupboard. It smells nice, and I turn around to face Lovi.

"Do want any slices?" I ask, and he nods. That was simple.

I hate the way that I'm always left out. I shouldn't be. I'm nearly an adult, and I deserve to know... And it's not as if they can hide everything they speak about to me about for ever.

I know!

I'll think of a really original, smart thing to say in front of them, then we'll have a conversation about it! Yes! Then they'll see just how grown-up I can handle situations, and then I'll be able to talk to them all the time.

See, I am smart.

"What's got you so damn happy, idiot?" Lovino's voice startles me, and I nearly drop the four slices of bread I've cut. I turn to face him, and he's glaring at me. Nothing new there.

"Oh," I say, "It's nothing, Lovino."

"Then stop being a freak."

"I don't think I know how." Lovino is scowling at me, and I giggle and turn away. Lovino looks much too funny when he's annoyed. Not when he gets angry, though... I don't like it when he gets angry.

* * *

Antonio comes back an hour later. He looks flushed, although it's cold outside. I think he might have been shouting.

Lovino purposely ignores this, and puts on his usual scowl. Great; they're not going to tell me again.

"Bastard, you took ages. It doesn't take that long to..." He looks at Antonio more, and narrows his eyes, "Where's the cake?" He asks, a tinge of fear in his voice.

Antonio shakes his head, and looks towards me. No, I'm not having this. They're not ignoring me again. It's my cake. Where is my cake?

"Are you okay, Antonio... you look a little angry..." I whisper, and Antonio looks at me. For a second, a rare emotion flashes through his eyes. It's dark and so unlike him... I hate it.

And then, he smiles, and I'm no longer able to glimpse into something new.

"Don't be silly, Feli! I'm fine... I have some bad news, though," He sighs, "I dropped the cake."

I gasp, and pout. What else can I do besides point out that he's lying to me?

"It's okay, Toni... We can just have chocolate and sing songs, can't we?" I ask, and Antonio nods.

"Of course! If mi Toma- Lovi sings me a romantic song, then I'll be a very happy man."

"As if, you jerk," Lovino snaps, but his face looks kind enough, "...I'll think about it... If I get drunk enough."

"Ci, I'll get you very drunk, then..." He whispers, and I can only make out a few things. I know it's dirty because of Lovino goes bright red.

"Bastard."

"Tomato." They look like the want to kiss, and I think I should get out the room.

"Oh, Feli! I almost forgot!" Suddenly Antonio moves from Lovino, and he dashes out the room. I glance at Lovino, and he's rolling his eyes but at the same time he's supressing a smile. I wonder if one day I'll be in love... Just so that somebody will think of me with a smile like that.

I keep my eyes on the door, and soon enough Antonio is dashing back in, lugging two parcel-wrapped objects.

The larger one, about half a metre in height, I know is a canvas. I feel my heart flip excitedly. I've needed a new canvas for ages, ever since christmas. I can feel my hands wishing to lunge at the parcel, rip it open, and thank my brother and Antonio whole-heartedly.

The smaller of my two presents is a bit harder to identify. I might be some new paints, or oil pastels. I honestly have no idea. Whatever it is, though, I'm sure it'll be good, because of I'm easy to buy for and easy to please.

Antonio is grinning at me, and I grin back. From the corner of my eye I see Lovino's mouth twitch upwards. Better than nothing, I suppose.

"Here you go, Feli!" The Spaniard exclaims, and suddenly I'm allowed to rip open my presents. I don't hesitate a second before I lunge at the larger one, and I giggle excitedly as the pleassing sound of ripping gushes over my ears. Within seconds, perhaps even a record, the paper is off.

I'm right; it's a canvas.

"Yay! I;ve wanted these for ages but I didn't want to ask for one except for my birthday because I remember you talking about how everything was going uop in prices and I know that everything includes thingas like canvases and paints and pastels and papers and I'm very happy that you've bought for me and-"

"You can't run from the door to the sink, yet you can speak like a fucking gunshot." Oh. Lovino looks annoyed. Oh well, I'm alowed to annoy him.

"Lovi, leave Feli alone. He likes the present! What did I say, eh?" Antonio is still grinning, and he hugs me with one arm, and uses the other to point at Lovino. "You are part of this family... the mama. A miserable, deep-voiced mama, but a mama all the same. Now, get here, and celebrate, Lovino." He says, slightly sternly. But he's only playing.

"I'm not a girl!"

"Maybe so, Lovi... But you scream like one." My breath catches as I start to laugh. Antonio never says stuff like this in front of me, and it's the only humour I ever hear like it.

Lovino is glaring, his face red. He looks more embarrassed, though, so I think he's fine with it.

"Should I leave the room whilst you two..." I ask, my shuffling towards the door. Antonio laughs loudly, and pats me on the back.

"No, Feli... Later, though, mi-"

"If you call me a fucking tomato, there is no later for you," He replies, shaking his head. Antonio moves his arm off me briefly to pull Lovino up, ignoring his obviously half-hearted protests. He glues his arm to Lovino's waist, and puts the other arm around my shoulder again.

"See? One big family-" Antonio is saying, but Lovino cuts him off. I can tell he's trying to get away.

"Fuck off, you-" I can taste a sour note in the air. Antonio looks angry again, and his arm tenses around my shoulder. And then, suddenly, almost violently, he attacks Lovino on the lips. I look away; I don't want to see this. Then it's over, and I can look again. Lovino looks mortified. Antonio looks stern.

"Don't be a bitch, and let me enjoy this moment," The Spaniard says harshly, kissing Lovino's forehead.

I don't understand this. If I yelled at Lovi, he'd become angry and yell back... maybe even slap me. But, now he's leaning into Antonio, sniffing. He looks guilty.

Because Antonio is going in two days. And Lovino won't have him for weeks... however long the process is.

Once, one of the victors was badly injured. The actual games had lasted five weeks, a week longer than most. It was brutal, and district 11 went down within one and a half weeks... But Antonio had to stay. All mentors stay until the victor goes back to his or her district. Anyway, the victor was in a place called a hostpital for two weeks... and then it was the party and interviews and...

...It took eight weeks. Two months. Lovino's birthday... I hated it.

Antonio was so angry when he came back. He kept yelling in Spanish about how unfair is was, and damned district two. He kept mentioning Gilbert and Francis.

And then he sobbed all night.

From what I remember, Gilbert was a district two tribute. He, Francis and Gilbert were friends during the games... Antonio woke up in one of the games to find Gilbert gutted, and Francis hanging from a tree. That was the day he won, and he often calls it the worst day of his life.

I look at Lovino more, and see he is fighting away tears. I wonder if it's because Antonio calling him a bitch, or because of he know that Antonio will be gone for ages. I'm hoping it's the latter.

Still, I can feel there's a slight awkwardness now. The loving moment has gone, and now this tense, uncomfortable silence has taken over.

"I'm sorry. I should not have..." Antonio whispers, and he lets go of me. Then, he looks at Lovino. "I love you. Sorry, you don't like me doing that... Sorry," He whsipered, pulling Lovi into his arms. He rocks them both gently, and I feel awkward. Again.

Lovino is crying softly now. I bit my lip: I should say something. I should definitly say something.

"Um... G-grazie for my present, it's really nice." I say, and almost sigh in releif as Lovino smiles at me. He wipes away his tears, and sniffs.

"Silly Feli," Antonio says, "You need to open the other one! Come on, I think you'll like it," He says. Lovino passes me the box, and I evaluate the weight.

I don't think it's paints or pastels. Slowly, my hands unwrap the paper, and furrow my eyebrows. It's in a box. A black, rectangle box that fits perfectly into the palm of my hand. After my eyes are finished in trying to figure out what it is hiding inside this box, they trail onto Antonio and Lovino.

They're both waiting for me to open it. Their breath is being held in, their pupils dialated with excitement, raking the look of the box in my hand. They want me to open it. I don't want to.

"It's a very nice box, grazie," I say, "I'll put it somewhere really safe."

"Idiot! Open the fucking box, that's what they're for!" Lovino exclaims, suddenly back to his normal expression of annoyed.

"But I don't want to open it right now, Lovino..." I mumble, looking down at the floor.

For once, I know I sound pathetic.

"Feli, take your time... Okay?" Antonio is grinning at me, "Sometimes you have to wait to see whats inside. I know you'll open it when you're ready." Lovino groans, and mutters something about living with idiots. Antonio must have heard the full thing, and he kisses Lovino's forehead, softly.

For my birthday, I wish that I was close to somebody like Lovino is close to Antonio.

Having somebody to tell all your secrets to must be nice. I have a lot of secrets, and I can't tell Lovino or Antonio because it will upset them.

I'm not as dumb as everybody thinks. I can see they way they act, as if I'm too young, not educated enough. But you don't not have to be educated to see what I see. The colours can tell me, every little thing. People are always sad here. It's always dark.

I wish it wasn't. 


End file.
